The Cr-Oh FFS!

Yeah yeah, I’m way behind the curve on this (for a rough idea of how much my finger’s on the pulse, see my last post), but all things point to a remake of The Crow actually happening.

Young me would probably be vehemently opposed to this; when I saw this film, I came away from it loving the idea of running across rooftops, wearing eyeliner and kicking arse like Brandon Lee. The Crow was the late teens answer to Casablanca or something. “It’s mine, and you can’t have it. HUFF! I’M GOING OUT! (STOMP STOMP STOMP stomp stomp).”

The film spoke to me, to the point that it made me listen to the Cure, eight years after it was anywhere near credible to do so. It was that bad.

I haven’t tested it on actual teenagers yet, but looking back now, it seems like The Crow was a perfect teen film; it’s tragic, dark, angsty, angry and steeped in real life tragedy. At the time, my young person’s brain actually went in for its glorification of revenge, believing it was probably morally justifiable. That’s more than a little embarrassing to admit.

I’d like to think that I have evolved a bit since then, and away from such simplistic tosh, I have drawn some fairly logical conclusions about revenge (=bad), vigilantism (=bad) and black plastic trousers (= impractical).

But this isn’t really why I think remaking the Crow is a bad idea. Here are two things that spring immediately to mind:

1) If rumours are to be believed, the remake will be helmed by Steve Norrington, who hasn’t made a good film since Blade, and whose last film was LXG. Yes.

2) The content of films, or what you can get into a rated film, has changed. On its release, The Crow was a cert 18 film. Now, at some point in the late 90s, something happened, and what seemed like quite graphic violence wasn’t actually so bad anymore.

I first noticed this when seeing Starship Troopers (cert 15) in 1996 (aged 22). After this, it seemed like you you could get away with a lot more in a 15 cert than ever before (see any Final Destination film). And now, check out the Dark Knight – that’s a 12a.

I’m not anti-gore. Far from it. I can watch no end of zombie movies (but I draw the line at a remake of Last House On The Left). However, in view of this trend for gorier films, a remade Crow surely has to try and capture the late teens/early 20s market by including gorier demises and a nastier rape scene. If it did, won’t all that graphically depicted wrongdoing and its equally graphic retribution just reinforce the notion among the impressionable that revenge = good?

I should probably credit today’s audiences with the intelligence to differentiate between entertainment and any kind of moral lesson. But yikes, if they are as impressionable as I was at that age… oh boy!


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